We asked. Not through a survey.Through conversations, DMs, comments, and the stories families share on Maple every day.
The answers were remarkably consistent. And remarkably different from what’s on the Mother’s Day gift guides.
The small things (that aren’t small)
"I want to sleep until I wake up naturally." Not until the baby cries. Not until someone needs something. Just until her body decides it’s time.
"I want to go to the bathroom alone." This sounds like a joke. It is not a joke.
"I want someone to handle the whole day without texting me." Where are the diapers? What does she eat for snack? What time is the thing? The texting defeats the purpose.
"I want my partner to know what’s happening this week without me telling them." Not because they were reminded. Because they checked the shared calendar themselves.
What nobody says out loud (but everyone means)
Underneath all of it is a single ask that most moms won’t articulate directly: "I want to be seen."
Seen for the work that doesn’t show up on anyone’s to-do list. The anticipating, the remembering, the coordinating, the noticing. The work that makes the household run but disappears the moment it’s done well.
That’s the mental load. And most moms carry the vast majority of it. Not because they’re better at it. Because the system defaulted to them, and nobody questioned it.
Why this matters beyond one day
Mother’s Day can be a lovely 24hours. But one day of appreciation doesn’t fix a structural problem.
The moms who feel most celebrated aren’t the ones who got the best gift. They’re the ones whose partners show up for the invisible work all year. The ones who don’t have to ask. The ones whose households run on shared systems, not one person’s memory.
That’s the real ask: not one day of being honored, but 365 days of being partnered.
The real conversation
This Mother’s Day, try something different. Instead of asking “What do you want?” ask:
- What are you carrying that I don't see?
- What's the one thing I could fully own that would make the biggest difference?
- What would it take for you to wak up on Saturday and not immediatley start planning?
Then actually do it. Not for one day. For the long run.
Take the Mental Load Calculator together →
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