How to Recognize When Elderly Parents or Family Members Need More Support

Why the holidays are often when families notice changes

We are in the eye of the storm that is the holiday season. After the rush of travel, family gatherings, and hosting duties, most of us are finally catching our breath. Decorations are up, visiting family members have returned home, and the final stretch of 2025’s school activities is underway.

As an Occupational Therapist running a private practice specializing in aging-in-place, this is our busiest time of year. Families often reach out with concerns—some new and urgent, others longstanding and escalating—about whether an aging loved one should continue living independently. Sometimes the solution is as simple as building a shared schedule of tasks and chores. Other times, it means beginning the more involved process of adding supportive services or considering alternative living arrangements.

Why families wait too long

One constant in this work is that families almost always wait too long to begin these conversations. Adult children may be reluctant to acknowledge the changes they’ve noticed. Aging parents may avoid the topic out of fear—fear of losing autonomy, decision-making power, or the life they know.

This delay can create exactly the situations everyone wants to avoid. In my years as an inpatient therapist, I often met families only after a crisis: a fall, a medical event, or a concerning incident in the community. By then, options are fewer. Decisions become more abrupt, emotional, and difficult.

Earlier conversations lead to better outcomes—and calmer ones.

Holidays reveal what distance can hide

Holiday gatherings are one of the best times to notice changes. For many families, it’s the first extended time together in months—or even since last year. Small shifts become more visible with time and distance.

For relatives who live nearby, the holidays are often the moment they choose to raise concerns, because everyone can be part of the discussion at once.

However the topic surfaces, it almost always starts with one person who has sensed “something” for a while. No one wants to be the first to say it out loud. Bringing up support or safety is crossing a threshold that changes the family dynamic, even if no immediate action is taken.

And in a culture that prizes independence, people downplay changes instead of addressing them—delaying helpful resources that could preserve autonomy longer.

If you noticed something over the holidays…

Now that the kitchen is clean, the leftovers are gone, and everyone is settling back into normal routines, you may still feel that something was different this year. Start by reflecting honestly.

Here are questions to consider or discuss with siblings or close family members:

• What differences did you notice compared to last year (or your last visit)?
• Did you see changes in how they moved around the house?
• How was their energy throughout the day?
• Did they say anything—directly or indirectly—that made you pause?
• Did nearby family members mention they’ve been helping more than before?
• Have there been changes in driving habits (avoiding night driving, going out less)?
• If you saw friends or neighbors, did they mention your loved one being less social or more withdrawn?

As you talk, remember: some changes are natural parts of aging and not signs of crisis. For example, choosing not to drive at night may be a preference or a seasonal decision, not an indicator of decline. The key is understanding whether habits have changed to avoid asking for help.

If the aging-in-place conversation begins…

Whether you initiate the conversation or your loved one brings it up themselves, here are helpful next steps:

1. Acknowledge the courage it takes

This is a vulnerable topic. Start with gratitude and reassurance.

2. Make sure your loved one is at the center

They should be an active participant in the discussion—not spoken about as if they’re not in the room. Reassure them that asking for help does not equal losing control.

3. Consider bringing in a professional

If your family needs guidance, reach out to a specialist in aging-in-place. They can help assess needs, provide recommendations, and support you as you make decisions together. For support, check out Home Field Advantage.

4. Keep the conversation going

Aging is not a one-time event. Needs evolve. Make it an ongoing discussion—not a single, high-pressure moment.

It’s never too early to talk about this

The earlier families begin discussing wishes, expectations, safety, and independence, the more empowered everyone feels. These conversations help adult children understand how to support their parents—and help aging family members feel heard, respected, and prepared.

If you’re navigating this, you’re not alone. Reach out to Dovetail for guidance or to ask questions.

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